Family Therapy: Back to School Tidbits
It’s that time of year again - kids are back in school, the days are rushed, and time is precious. Between school, homework, activities, and for some kids, part-time jobs, anxiety often goes hand in hand with the start of the school year.
Here are some tidbits of advice for parents to help ease the transition.
As most parents know, communicating with school age children can be tough. Two common questions that parents ask kids after school - how was your day? And do you have any homework? The answers are usually “fine/boring” and “no.”
Instead, rephrase your questions to be
“What was the best thing about your school day?”
“What was the most stressful part of your day?”
to hopefully pry more than one word from your kids.
Rather than “Do you have any homework” try:
“How can I help with your homework?”
“What do you need to get your homework done?”
If a child is anxious about homework, they may try to avoid it and pretend it doesn’t exist. By asking what they need, you can subtly acknowledge the anxiety which helps children feel more confident in asking for what they need.
As parents well know, children pick up on the atmosphere at home. If parents are anxious or stressed, kids are more likely to also become anxious. This means it is very important for parents to commit to self-care. Take time for yourselves and your significant other. Kids mimic their parents, so modeling self-care - mind breaks, deep breathing exercises, and finding a little time for fun can make a huge difference. While many parents feel that there simply isn’t time for that until after the kids go to bed, here are some quick ideas to model self-care:
Two minute dance parties - turn on some tunes and do a silly dance with the kids. Older kids may act embarrassed or uninterested, and still find the humor and silliness fun. When people purposefully put their minds to humor or fun, the brain chemicals that cause anxiety decrease. Smiling and laughter automatically decreases anxiety and stress.
Stoplight deep breathing - deep breathing has been scientifically proven to reduce stress and anxiety. At stoplights, parents can practice deep breathing with their kids. Most children breathe in and out quickly. Practice slow deep breathing by breathing in on a four count, holding the breath for a six count, and slowing exhaling to an eight count.
Mindful snacking - use snack time to help center your kids’ attention. As they eat, ask them to describe their food using their senses - what does it feel like, smell like, look like, sound like when they eat, and what does it taste like. Eventually, encourage them to just run these thoughts through their heads as they eat. Focusing their thoughts on their senses and in the moment can reduce intrusive and anxious thoughts.
Bubble Time - get some bubbles from the Dollar Store and take two minute breaks when the family is at home to blow bubbles together. This helps everyone practice deep breathing, brings fun and bonding time to family members, and reduces stress and anxiety.
For more tidbits on helping the family, sign up for the free parenting workshops below.
For further help with the family, set up an appointment with Kimberly Baker, Family and Marriage Intern Therapist.